The Register, 2002-09-30

              it's a year after sept 11 and there is no doubt that the the results of the cowardly terror attacks on our nation it's not too late to register to vote elections are nov 5 for state local and national races contact the guilford county board of elections at 641-3836 but experts agree that there is a vast difference between a spank or two in a parking lot and the sort of pummeling that toogood is accused of engaging in toogood has said her 4-year-old child had been acting up inside a department store before was horrified and sick to my stomach and mortified when she saw the tape of herself striking her child in the sports utility vehicle outside the according to experts on children and parenting it may be at least pardy because we fear that with a gende nudge further we might have a toogood moment with our children or perhaps we already have why have we all been so fascinated by madelyne gorman toogood the hap less mother who was caught on video as she beat her child in an indiana parking lot continue to impression in have a lasting our minds and in our hearts tarah holland osama bin laden and his al-qaida network have become our most sought after enemy and the target of most american's grief for what they did to the united states but as a nation and as human beings where and with whom do we draw the line on hate recently greensboro's sudanese community has come face to face with profiling as a member of their commu nity and also a n.c a&t student mekki hamed mekki hamed mekki was arrested by the fbi on sept 13 in greensboro on a charge of falsifying u.s visa applications he's now being held without bond in the forsyth county detention center investigators are trying to determine if mekki is an al-qaida operative accord ing to the associated press however u.s attorneys didn't mention terrorism during his detention hearing monday court-appointed attorneys for mekki also say they haven't received any infor mation about possible terrorist charges so why are some area residents already labeling mekki a terrorist are they con sidering everything about mekki and other sudanese residents since the late 1980s and early 1990s the sudanese community in greensboro has grown it is a close community with about 1,500 to 2,000 members living in the city they are instead of criticizing them for their practices and beliefs we should first be critical of ourselves and strive to become a nation free of hate we should be more understanding of the immigrants who chose to make the u.s their home instead of being preju diced because their religious practices may differ from our own or because of someone of another nationality did something horrible to this nation americans don't understand what it's like to live in a war-stricken region therefore it isn't right to scorn someone for having the desire to become an american citizen and to want to live in a peaceful nation since 1983 the country has been involved in a civil war one of the dead liest wars in africa's history between the northern muslim government and christians from the south an estimated 2 million people have died from fighting and famine and millions more have been forced to flee their homes greensboro's sudanese community works together to ease the arrivals of immigrants into the city by supporting sudanese immigrants until they are able to support themselves then those immigrants repay the debt by helping other sudanese immigrants in america many sudanese chose greensboro because of its low crime and low unem ployment rates and drive cabs to earn money to survive and to send money home to loved ones in sudan like many other nationalities who chose the united states they have come to live free of war and to enjoy free life both muslims and christians political refugees and naturalized citizens and their professions vary many are doc tors lawyers and engineers who left war-torn sudan i'm not trying to justify her actions ... but i think we can safely assume that she is not the only parent in america who has done this same sort of thing patricia leebens director of psychiatry for the connecticut department of store dr steven marans the director of the national center for children exposed to violence at the yale child study center said such a loss of control is usually reflective of a range of possi ble problems that an individual adult parent is having the problem is marans said that chil dren become points of displacement for a parent's own symptoms of depression helplessness or despair these kinds of behavior offer the opportunity to recognize that prob lems require intervention said marans when bad days lead to brutal beatings it's time to look at the source most of the experts interviewed said they believe that the abuse of children in america is under-reported john rosemond a family psychologist and author of many books on parent ing says this sort of thing is happen ing off-camera all over america this woman acted monstrously i would not personally be willing to judge her a monster but i think that in america right now we need scapegoats people who do the sort of thing she did in public make the rest of us feel we're not quite as bad get help if it's a recurring problem a parent may find a family therapist or call a child guidance center call timeout for you and your child put your child safely in his or her room - if the child is old enough for this - and go to the other end of the house to calm down remind yourself that you are the adult and that you love this child when your head is cooler return and talk to your child about what happened call a neighbor or friend to come over you may want to talk or go for a drive rosemond in fact admits to having his own parking lot moments with his children when he spanked them once or twice after they behaved badly in a store once the child had calmed down he brought the child back into the store leebens said the trouble with spanking is that it can get out of control she said it's also highly associated with lower self-esteem with initiating a cycle of violence in families and with teach ing children to resolve conflicts with their fists instead of talking the united states and the united kingdom are the only two so-called civ ilized countries where corporal punish ment isn't flat-out illegal said leebens here are suggested strategies and actions to help parents keep from losing control the first step - and perhaps the most essential preventive - is realiz ing when you are getting out of control once you have that self-awareness than you can begin to manage yourself and the situation what about spanking some experts like rosemond are quite enthusiastic about the benefits of a swat or two on the rump for catching a child's attention rosemond said he believes that beneath the surface of parenting in america there is a tremendous amount of stress and frustration because par ents do not know how to effectively dis cipline their children children and families said that often it is the very isolated parent who is stretched thin overwrought with no rel ative support network who may be more likely to lose control she said that it is key that parents begin to develop the ability to know when they are really getting mad and need to step back for a moment or two to regain control 4 opinion in brief september 30 2002 tarah holland edtcr/neas andcpinicn chris wallace edtor/sports ande-voxs sharonda eggleton photo editor karina hardy news reporter/online editor valerie nieman,facu/ty adviser the a&t register box e-25 1601 e market st greensboro nc 27411 e-mail register@ncat.edu telephone 336)334-7700 educating profiling start end abuse happens all over kristin matthews business manager trina logan entertainment reporter contributors maurice allen tornetha baldwin jaime brown jessica devault alexandra gray james harris iii dawn eva hay kassidy johnson tiffany s jones editorial poucy the university views in guest commentaries and letters to the editor are those of the writer editorials reflect the opinions of the a&t register but not necessarily those of guest commentary investigators also said the driver of the car had been drinking he now faces charges for drunk driving and underage drinking around 9 p.m tuesday four teenagers and a 20-year-old wrecked near the deep river bridge on walker mill road in randolph county after state troopers said the car slammed into the guard rail and rolled off the bridge into the river the 17-year-old driver lost control of the car while speeding n.c alcohol law enforcement agents went on to say the driver and the four passengers would've died if the car hadn't landed on its wheels after it plummeted four stories to the river below another reality to the story is that the teens probably wouldn't have wrecked if they hadn't been drunk from the beer they consumed that was pur chased by an uncle of one of the pas sengers now authorities are in search of that uncle a 42-year-old man who should have know better he's now fac ing a number of charges including giv ing alcohol to a minor and contributing to underage drinking and driving what will it take for america to wake up to the dangers of drinking and driv ing haven't enough families been shat tered by the deaths of their loved ones how many young people will die as a result of drinking and driving it is alarming to hear that a 42-year old adult may have contributed to drinking by a group of minors that led to an accident and injury that by no means is a way to set an example for a teenager to follow by kathleen megan the hartford courant